Hey y’all!  It’s Sunday morning, about 7:54.  Okay, it’s not ‘about 7:54’.  It IS 7:54.  My husband and step-son just left for Kingsville and will be gone a week.  My littlest person, while awake, has been sent on a chore mission.  And I am off work today.  From all my jobs.  This never happens.

I am an order and list driven person.  When I was around 8 or 9 years old one of my favorite things to do was organize these animal cards we had at home.  There were creatures from all over the globe and I would organize them alphabetically.  Then by continent. Then alphabetically by continent.  And any other way I could rationally conceive.  When I was older, I liked to keep my closet organized in a similar fashion, according to sleeve-length, color, ect.  I ironed my napkins.  I write lists even if I’ve completed the tasks just so I can mark them off as completed.  When I grocery shop, the list has to be written in the order the products are in the store so I can go systematically, marking off as I go.  If I happen to find myself at the store sans pen, I will find someone to borrow one from.  Preferably a black pen.  I can’t stand mixed ink colors on the same list, heaven forbid, anything else.  Not happening.

Writing this, I feel a wee bit……………crazy  I know I certainly sound crazy.  But I’d like to think with all these tendencies, my life would stay in perfect order.  Ha.

Therefore, this morning, upon finding myself alone, with an open day and a blank sheet in my notebook, I partially freaked out.  Bit of panic if you will.  I’ve got plenty of things to do.  But they aren’t written down.  And honestly, I don’t really want to do any of them.  I want to sit here at my dining table……

with my favorite coffee mug, and write to you.  But it’s hard.  Surrounded by the carnage that is my daily life, it is almost impossible to turn a blind eye, focus on something that isn’t a physical task, and just enjoy it.  As much as I know the importance of doing this, for me it’s blogging, walking, coloring, reading or wandering aimlessly in the yard, the art of mental relaxation often eludes me.

I’ve let a lot of things go since having kids.  My house, my car, myself.  And if I ever allow myself to think about it, I want to scream.  Run away.  Run away screaming.

Sadly, this isn’t a viable option.

So, I make a list.  And just keep plodding on.  Quoting Dory, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Because I feel, if I just keep swimming, just keep plodding, I’ll wake up one day and everything will be alright.  Not perfect, not in alphabetical order, not ironed and swept and beautiful.  But, alright.  And until then I’m going to try to ease up, swim a little slower, and enjoy the journey.

I feel better already.

These are a few of my least favorite things and the source of extreme mental angst……

Dying flowers that need to be thrown out, awaiting their final resting place in putrid water.

A bowl of fruit headed in the same direction.

All the contents off my hall closet waiting in the hall for me to finish painting the shelves.  Yes, I’ve lived here over a year and this task isn’t complete (insert the screaming and running).

If you come visit me, you can’t sit on the sofa.  Sorry.  At least the laundry is clean.  At least the laundry on the SOFA is clean I should say.  We aren’t even going to the laundry baskets……

I also need new shoes.  The three-fingered holey look isn’t my best…….I am waiting on a coupon.  And time to shop.  I did find time to take Addie shopping at the thrift store (she has outgrown everything and is about to go on vacation, unlike me.  I mean, I’ve outgrown everything but I’m not going on vacation.  Ugh.) I bought this pie plate.  It made it me happy.  But I need to wash the price sticker off.  I can do this without putting it on a list.  Lists are reserved for greater tasks.  Like buying new shoes or putting away ALL the laundry on the sofa.

What I really need to do is study this map, so the next time I go hunting in a new wilderness I won’t get lost in the dark like last time.  In grizzly country.  Without a flash light.  You can read about that here.

I can’t wait to get back out west!  But first, I better buy some new shoes.