June of 2018 was my last post. Two Thousand Eighteen! Over a year and a half ago. My how time does fly. I’m unsure of where to go from here. I’m tempted to reflect on those 18 months of silence. And I’m tempted to shut them away, tucked back for another day and time. There have been so many changes, so many hurdles, small victories and events, they begin to blur together.
So. I choose to save reflection for another day. Instead, I’d like to move forward.
I’ll not say it is a new year, perfect time to start a new chapter or any of that malarkey. Any day, a Tuesday in August, is just a good a time to start over as any. I’ve had many ‘reset’ attempts these past few months and years. I’ll get super motivated and excited and I’m going to do ALL the things! No Drinking! No Carbs! No Sugar! Look like I did when I was 22 (and in THREE Months!) I’m going to walk 5 miles a day! I’m going to get up early and do Bible study! I’m going to prep salads for lunch EVERY day! I’m going to open a savings account for travel and take an awesome trip every year! I’m going to create art and write letters and visit people I love and finish my house projects and pick up ALL the sticks on the 400 acres we live on. All. The. Sticks. It will look like a park!
I’m going to…..Crash. And burn. And quit because it’s overwhelming.
My mind tells me I want all these things. And I DO want them. And I figure, why wait? Might as well do it all now, no time to waste! Those sticks aren’t going to pick up themselves! And it all goes fantastic for about 13 hours. Then I am tired and mad and throw in the towel. To hell with the sticks. Birds need somewhere to perch. And this cycle repeats itself over and over and over again. SO. I’ve started approaching things from a different angle. I’ve decided to give myself grace. To grant permission for mistakes, screw ups and setbacks. What I am NOT doing is giving myself permission to quit. To throw in that nasty, old towel. I’m going to toss that bitch in the washing machine with some bleach and start again in the morning. Every morning. And I am going to tackle things slowly. I have 3 jobs, a beautiful daughter, a husband, animals, and lots of this and that. Plus all those damn sticks.
Starting is always the hardest part of a journey. What should I pack? What must I leave behind? Will I get lost or arrive late? What is the journey going to cost me? Perhaps, more importantly I should ask, what will this journey give me? Tackling my goals from this perspective, while hard for me, has proven itself with success. Not 100 percent, no indeed. But by continuously progressing forward. By learning from my setbacks and mistakes. By not giving them the power to drag me down but rather by gaining knowledge to apply in the future. Grace, reflection and self care have become my new best friends. My traveling companions.
In summery, I leave you with some pictures that sum up the past 18 months since we’ve last visited.
Until next time, keep moving forward and give yourself grace.